Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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