Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
