Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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