1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
