Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
