I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
