I am in a vortex of obligation.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
