Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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