2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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