Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
