wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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