Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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