I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
