just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
