we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
