Barsexuality is the new black.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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