But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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