i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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