His hands were made for my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
