I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
