haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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