My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
