Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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