I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
