You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize