I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
