My Higher Power is John Stamos
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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