I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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