I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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