I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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