He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
