I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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