I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then my night got REAL pukey
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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