If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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