is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
