He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
