Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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