Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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