sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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