Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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