"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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