Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
