I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dont even know how to be here
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
