Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
