He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He has the fingertips of a God
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
