i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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