Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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