Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
