i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
