Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
