Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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