Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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