If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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