Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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