Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
