Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
