Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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