ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
