So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
