Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
