wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sober January is a disaster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
