Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
