I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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