I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
